One last good-bye

As many of you know already my dog passed away on Monday evening.  I have had a very difficult time dealing with her loss and have tried to find away to have a little closure.  I hoping by writing this and getting my feelings out that it will make it just a little easier.

I will always remember the day that Kelly and I went to Riverbank and picked Indy out and brought her home.  It was September 17, 2004.  We picked the smallest of the litter, the one with a crazy tail and one blue eye. The one that was just a little different than the rest.

See, by then I had been told that I would need to have a hysterectomy, there by taking every opportunity for me to have children away. At the time Kelly was pregnant with Thomas.  Although I was happy for her, I was saddened at the same time.  So, when we brought Indy home it was almost like therapy for me.  Indy was that one thing that I needed at that time.  She brought me happiness when not much could. Indy was that one thing that I had in my life that depended on me. I loved taking care of her and having the responsibility to ensure that she had what she needed and provide love to.  I always thought of Indy as that baby girl that I would never have. 

From the time we brought her home she brought excitement to not only my life but to my family’s life.               She loved going to my Dad’s house to play with putter.

Indy was patient, loving, and energetic.  The minute Kelly brought Thomas home from the hospital, he had an instant friend.  Indy loved him. 

 

Indy wanted to be wherever Thomas was. Whether that was laying under his crib while he slept, laying by his swing, in the bathroom while he had his bath or sitting on the couch with whoever was holding him at the time.

People always say that dogs take on their owners characteristics    That was true with Indy.  It has been an ongoing joke at our house that Indy was a doggie school drop out (although I wasn’t a drop out, school wasn’t my favorite thing).  Indy and I tried to do well but she was just to social (she took after Kelly with that). She couldn’t stay still long enough and disrupted the rest of the class so we were kindly asked not to come back. Indy has always been a social dog and loved when people came to visit.  She loved to look out the window and watch as people walked by. 

Indy was a loving dog.  She saw me through some of the most difficult times as well as some of the happiest times in my life.  She could sense what kind of mood I was in.  When I was sad she constantly wanted to be with me.  Sitting on my lap or laying on my feet.  When I was happy about something she would run around the house as fast as she could.  She could leap from one couch to the other like it was nothing. 

  

When Noelle came along she had another instant friend. Noelle could pull her ears, put her fingers in her eyes, try attempt to sit on her and chase her around the coffee table and never once did Indy snap at her or cry.  Instead, she would lick her and walk away.

Indy was a smart dog.  She knew my schedule.  She knew that in the mornings when I would leave she would get two bones, one in her bed and one on the door mat.  She didn’t eat them right away but made sure they were there. Once I put them down she would run out the doggie door to the backyard.  She knew that after I came home from work, if I was leaving again that she would be going with me.  She sat and waited patiently at my car door and would jump in and get in her seat, which was Thomas’ car seat.  She knew when it was Sunday and I was headed to my Dad’s house for the day.  Don’t ask me how she knew all of this but she did.  So when I went to leave on December 30th things were just a little different.  I tried to get her to eat before I was leaving but she wouldn’t.  She followed me around the house, sitting at my feet, and a couple of times jumped on my luggage.  I had arranged for my Dad to take care of her while I was on vacation with Thomas.  When we got to his house she jumped out of the car and ran in the house, just  like she always did.  I can remember telling my Dad to make sure and try and feed her again because she hadn’t eaten at home.  I was neurotic about making sure she ate.  I said good bye to her not knowing that would be the last time I said good bye when she was happy.  On December 31st she got out at my Dad’s house.  My sister has done a wonderful job of telling the story from here.  You can check out her blog if you want at Nurses Notes. 

Everyday, while she was missing, I drove through all the neighborhoods I could think that she could get to with tears running down my face.  I imagined seeing her running down the street and all I would need to do is open my car door for her jump in as she always did.  When I hadn’t found her, I headed home. I would drive up to my house, open the garage door and with the slightest bit of hope that she would come running down my driveway as she always did. In hopes that someone found her and brought her home.  I had not prepared myself for what happened Monday night.  I never thought I would be trying to comfort her at the emergency vet’s office.  I was hysterical that night and I prayed over and over that she would be OK.  I remember the vet telling me that I needed to leave so they could do their work and thinking there was no way that I could leave her on that table.  My parents told me that it was for the best and we would be coming back for her.  I whispered in her ear that I loved her and I would be back.  A gave  her one last kiss and walked out the door.  Not knowing that the next time I would see her would be after she had passed away.  I’m grateful to the vet and all of the staff that took care of her and did the best they could to try and help her.   By the time I had arrived they had her all bandaged up and wrapped in a blanket so that it would make seeing her just a little easier.  I’m grateful that they gave me the time I needed to say my last good bye and give her that one last kiss. 

As you can see Indy was much more than just dog to me. She brought me happiness and joy. She filled a void when I needed something good in my life. I loved taking care of her.  I loved coming home at night to see running to my car to greet me.  She wasn’t just a dog, she was part of my family.  I’m grateful that I was able to try and help her in her time of need as she did for me so many times.  I grateful to know that she isn’t out their in the world lost or with someone that couldn’t love her nearly as much as I did.

I’m also grateful to all my friends family that helped me search for her.  I have cried more than I think I ever had and my friends and family have been there to listen and comfort me.  Thank You!!

So, my this is my last good bye Indy girl.  Thank you for all the love you gave to me and for all the good times we shared.  I love you more than you will ever know.  I love you!!!!!