Christmas

I had a great Christmas and have a lot of cherished memories. It was especially fun this year because Thomas was really excited about Santa. We did a lot of fun activities with him all month long so by the time Christmas day came he was really excited. The look on his face when he saw all of his gifts from Santa was priceless.

Troy, Julie and Tyler came Christmas morning and stayed until Friday afternoon. It was especially fun with this being Tyler's first Christmas. I don't get to see Tyler as much as I would like so any time spent with him is precious.

As I talked about earlier in my blog I was able to decorate my house for Christmas this year and also made the season especially fun. It was nice to come home after work and see the Christmas tree lit up. I also had a great time listening to Christmas music while wrapping gifts.

Here are a few pictures from our family Christmas celebrations.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Christmas Eve fun

Noelle and I spent Christmas Eve together. We made a cake, put presents under the tree, sang Christmas carols (well I did) and Noelle put cookies out for Santa in her own special way. Take a look....

Make a Smilebox slideshow

What a perfect way to end the week...

As many of you read (if you haven't read the "December 8th" entry then you should before reading this one) I had a difficult day on Monday. Like I said in the entry I knew by Tuesday I would be fine. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling energized and ready to take on the world. The rest of the week went well. Thursday we were finished contract negotiations at my work, thanks to a federal mediator. Friday I got to work from home and I finally was able to return all those phone calls that came in over the week that I hadn't had time to do earlier in the week.

Then early Saturday morning I received a phone call from one of the administrators (Jan) from a care home that one of my clients lives at saying that Ashley's water broke during the night and she was admitted to the hospital. She wasn't due until December 31st so it was pretty surprising to get the call. I had given Jan my personal cell phone number when I was out visiting Ashley a couple of weeks ago because I was going to be on vacation on the 31st and wanted to be able to go and Ashley while she was in the hospital. I told Jan to keep me posted and once Ashley had the baby to call me and I would come by and see her. I was getting kind of nervous Saturday evening when I still hadn't heard anything from Jan. Then around 8:00pm I received a phone call from the hospital saying that Ashley was alone and they needed me to come and sit with her until she had the baby. I was surprised to get the call but I was also concerned and worried that there was no way that I could go and sit in and help her. I would be an emotional wreak. I told the nurse to call Jan at the care home and ask her to have one of the staff at the home go and sit with Ashley. She said that was fine and would call me back if they needed further assistance. About 10 minutes later I received a call from Jan saying that they didn't have any extra staff at the home so she couldn't go and sit with Ashley and wanted to know what to do. Immediately I said that was fine and I would go and do it and call her once Ashley had the baby. After I hung up I wondered what I had gotten myself into. Not only was I watching Noelle, I had just put her to sleep, but I had just gotten over my emotional roller coaster. I sat and thought for a minute and called my Mom and asked if I could drop Noelle off while I went to the hospital. Of course she said yes. I packed Noelle a bag and myself a bag and off we went. I said a long prayer on the way asking that I would have the strength to help Ashley and be able to support her in the ways that she needed me to. I got to the hospital at about 9:00pm. I was lucky that she was at the hospital that Kelly works at and was able to park in the emergency lot and she walked me up to the floor where Ashley was. When I got to her room she had just thrown up and the nurse was helping her get cleaned up and cleaning her bed. Again I started thinking about how I was going to handle this and questioning whether I would be more a nuisance than a help. I was getting really nervous and I became a little teary eyed and then decided to say another prayer. I sat back relaxed and got myself together and then I sat and talked with Ashley for awhile. While talking to Ashely I had an amazing feeling come over me that I could handle this and everything would be fine. We had a long evening!! Ashley didn't really understand that she was having the baby that night and she really didn't understand how it was going to work. I tried explaining the best that I could but she wasn't understanding. She didn't want the nurse to help her with anything so I helped get her up to the bathroom, turning her and get her to drink the water that she really didn't want. We got about 2 hours of sleep. Then at 2:15am the nurse came in to check Ashley's progress and low and behold she was very very close. She started to prepare the room and I asked if she was going to give Ashley any pain medication. The nurse said she didn't think Ashley needed anything. She had gotten a shot of Demerol at 9:45 and that was all she thought she needed. I didn't think that was cool but what do I know? So Ashley started pushing at 2:40am and at 2:50am a beautiful baby boy was born.

It was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. Ashley asked that I hold the baby because she was scared so as soon as the cut the cord they handed him to me. I thought at that point I was going to loose it but I didn't. I was very strong and new that I needed to be strong for Ashley. While the baby was getting cleaned up, I sat and talked with Ashley and explained to her what they were doing and what would happen next. Then I got to go with the nurse to take baby Justin to the nursery to get a quick bath and all the other things that they do to the new baby's.

I am a strong believer that God never gives you anything that you can't handle and this made me more of a believer. I never would have ever thought that I would be able to witness this kind of miracle and not become an emotional mess but I did and I got to help and I was just fine!!! I am so proud of Ashley. She did an amazing job. Not once while I was there did she cry, scream, or get upset. She did what nurses and I asked her to do and she was amazing.

Once again I have been blessed. I was able to go and help someone that needed me, and I was able to witness the miracle of childbirth. WOW, this was an amazing week filled with sadness and JOY!!!

**for confidentiality reasons I changed all the names of the people involved**

My attempt to be creative

One of my favorite things at Christmas time is Red Velvet Cake. So, this afternoon, I decided to make one. I thought Noelle would like to help me frost it this evening. As I started to frost the cake I decided to get a little creative. I got out the cookie cutters and thought I would put them on top of the cake and then put Christmas sprinkles in the cookie cutters. Some times I should ignore those little thoughts! Noelle was interested in eating the frosting and not so much putting it on the cake so I decided to take her mind of eating and and got her interested in one of her favorite books. So, she sat in the kitchen very nicely while I TRIED to be creative.

So my creation didn't turn out like I had pictured it in my mind but as you can tell Noelle didn't care that it wasn't so cute while she was eating it.

As Noelle gets older the more she acts just like her Auntie. You can see in this video that Noelle really doesn't care about the cake. What she really wants is the frosting and the sprinkles. Hummm... who's kid is this?

This last video shows her doing some of her sign language although she didn't participate very well. She was way to interested in making a mess.

Time to get cleaned up and in to bed...

December 8th

I know that in time December 8th will feel like a normal day. I would have thought by now it would feel that way and now that it has come all I can hope for is that next year it will be a little easier. It will always be a day for me to remember but in time it wont be as difficult to face. Today is the 4th anniversary of when I had my hysterectomy. Those of you that are reading this are most likely my friends and family and already know the reasoning behind it so I don't feel the need to explain. For the past 3 years I have taken the day off work because I have felt the need to take a day for myself and reflect on my life and all that I have been given. Having had the hysterectomy has been bittersweet. I know that going through with the hysterectomy was the best decision I have ever made, health wise. Emotionally I'm not so sure. I have never felt better and I know for a fact it is what I needed to do.

For me writing this is a way to express what I am feeling today and then by tomorrow move on with the next phase of my life. If you have asked me years ago how my life would be now, it definitely wouldn't be the way that it is. I think as a young girl that you always grow up thinking that having a family and children is just something that happens and happens for everyone. Well at least that is what I thought. In that respect I feel robbed. Whenever I hear of a friend having a baby I feel excitement and sadness all at the same time. Knowing that I will never get the opportunity myself is heartbreaking. Throughout the year I often think about it but I am able to put things in perspective and move on. Last week was probably the most emotional and difficult week I have had since I had the surgery. I'm not exactly sure why but I think my body knows and goes through a hormonal roller coaster. I think I cried more last week than I have in years. And although I was sad I was able to remind myself how lucky and blessed I really am. My circumstances may not be what I would have chosen however I have so much to be grateful for.

I have an amazing sister who has allowed me to spend as much time as I want with her kids. I have been able to see Thomas and Noelle through every milestone of their lives. I've been able to take Thomas on a special summer vacation, just him and I, every year since he was born. I get to keep both of them several nights a week at my house. I've been able to take them to my friends children's birthday parties. I have a special bond with Thomas that I can't explain. I have tried to put into words how much he means to me and how much I love him and I haven't been able to come up with the right words. Noelle has been a blessing in my life that has taught me more about myself and she brings such happiness and joy to my life.

I have a sister-in-law that never forgets to call and has always been a friend. This year Tyler has also been such a blessing. The phone calls that she makes to ask me questions about Tyler mean so much to me. She sends pictures all the time and calls for no reason at all other than to talk about how Tyler is doing or something he has learned to do. Our webcam dates with Tyler are amazing and even though it's for just a few minutes they mean the world to me. I have been able to go and visit Tyler 3 times in the past six months and those visits have meant so much to me.

I have a wonderful family that loves me and supports me in everything that I do. I have great job that 98% of the time brings me joy and happiness, I have been blessed to live in a beautiful home that I can call my own, I have friends that love and care about me, my health is good and I have a wonderful little dog that no matter what I have done or what kind of day I have had will always greet me a the car door and will always love me.

So, today I reflect on my life, the blessings that I have, the trials I have endured and know that I am a better person for all I have experienced. I am truly blessed!!!

A great weekend filled with Christmas activities .

I had a great weekend filled with Christmas activities. Kelly came over on Friday to spend the weekend. Friday afternoon we went and had dinner with my Mom. After dinner we left the kids with her and we went and finished Kelly's shopping for the kids. It was very surprising how many people were out shopping and the amount of things they were purchasing. You would never know that the economy is as bad as everyone is talking about. Then Saturday morning Thomas and I made our famous hot chocolate for Kelly and Noelle. After breakfast Kelly and Thomas worked on the countdown to Christmas chain.

Then he and I worked on a foam Gingerbread house. It didn't work out so great. It came with the wrong pieces so we had to make some changes but it was still fun to work on. My Dad came at 11:00 to help decorate the Christmas tree. That was a lot of fun. Thomas is at a fun stage. He is enjoying singing Christmas songs, making Christmas crafts, and he has even enjoyed buying his friends gifts. He even wrote his first letter to Santa and signed his name himself. So the Christmas tree decorating was a lot of fun. Noelle helped but mainly by taking the ornaments of the tree and giving them back and playing with the hooks. Everyone had fun with what they were doing except.....

Indy wasn't so excited about joining in.

These (and the ones up top) are some of my favorite ornaments

After the kids naps we went and did some shopping at the mall. Thomas had been talking about his friend Kelsey and wanting to get her a gift so we took him to the store and picked out a couple of things and let him help pick what we bought. Then we let them ride the little motorcycle.

That evening Kelly and my Dad took the kids out to dinner and then to go see Christmas lights in Manteca and to see Santa while I went out with some friends.

Sunday morning we woke up and made a nice breakfast and then headed to my Mom's for Christmas pictures. Then we headed back to my Dad's for a nice relaxing afternoon and one of his fantastic Sunday dinners.

It was a great weekend filled with family, laughs and Christmas memories.